The Joy and Pain of Fatherhood: Your Legacy (And A Personal Journey)

I fly a lot, of course. And walking through airports and sitting on the plane I enjoy seeing young families traveling. Especially ones with little babies or toddlers. They are so cute. And it’s wonderful seeing how happy yet tired these new parents are. The smallest smile and giggle just grabs your heart. 

It takes me back to my own experience. I did not think I would enjoy being a dad as much as I have. In my twenties I was one of those stupid guys who thought kids were a burden and a drag on life. How stupid and foolish this view is. Being a parent is one of the most fundamental experiences of being a human. It’s one of the few legacies you have. I pity anyone who misses this experience. Sorry, pet kids don’t count. 

Having Amber has been the best thing that ever happened to me and my family. I was over the moon when I became a dad. It was the happiest day of my life. Watching her grow over these last 15 years has been an immense privilege. I continue to be in awe. 

She is so smart and even wise. She encapsulates all the best parts of her parents, my wife’s looks, athletic ability, common sense and kindness, coupled with my strong health, ambition, drive and work ethic. I’m already so proud of her. When I see her happy, that’s more than enough for me. 

Yet I admit it’s been a tough last few years since the pandemic. The trauma and dislocation from the lockdowns, being separated for almost a year due to Taiwan shutting down their borders and my inability to manage my anger has caused irreparable damage to our relationship. Running an international investment business that requires a lot of travel has not helped. I haven’t really talked with her in over a year, let alone had a meal or walk or shop together. 

It doesn’t help that she is a typical American teen, who frankly are just feral compared to Taiwanese, European and Canadian teens. Something about the crazy competitiveness here in America. It’s just a rough situation overall. 

But she is everything to me. Children are literally your blood legacy to the world. And you hope you can leave your kids with some good habits, good lessons and good experiences. That is why I used to try to take her on trips around Asia, America and Canada. My fondest memories are of these trips together, when the family was happy. There are so many more amazing places, foods and experiences I want to share with her and show her. 

I wish I was a better dad and parent. All the things I could have done differently. All the bad decisions. The harsh words. So many regrets here. 

But all you can do as a parent is your best. You owe them that. Heck, you owe yourself that. So I continue to work on myself and improve. This way I can take better care of her and support her in the way she needs. Just being patient and showing you will be there no matter what. And hopefully they let you back in their life when they are ready. I look forward to seeing her smile when that day comes so we can make up for all the lost time between us.